6 WEEKS! 4-26-09

Wow! We can hardly believe that we are, today exactly, '6 weeks pregnant'! It is just truly unbelievable! How amazing is it that this week (week 7), this little munchkin's 'brain cells are being generated at the rate of 100 cells per minute; his mouth and tongue are forming and his arm and leg buds are beginning to sprout into paddle-like appendages and to divide into hand, arm, and shoulder segments - and leg, knee and foot segments'... and much more! Wow! We have done bloodwork each week and every time the results have come back awesome! We're praising the Lord - even if the bloodwork results weren't coming back so great and high, though, we would still be praising Him! A week from tomorrow we will have our first ultrasound - hard to believe isn't it?

The last two weeks I have relished in some much needed time with the Lord - reflecting, praising, and praying. This may be hard for some to understand, but as much as my heart rejoices in this miracle, it has also mourned -- mourned for those that are still in the trenches of infertility... and for those, due to circumstances beyond their control, cannot even try for children even though they would love to have them. Our friend, Lana, has been on my heart a lot (please reference our blog homepage for their link, Chad and Lana Fisher, to read the latest updates). Last week I was crying out to our Gracious God on their behalf, broken over the suffering they are still enduring (joyfully and triumphantly I might add - bringing overwhelming glory to God in Mighty ways!). I battled with the feelings of guilt and unworthiness that we would now be receiving such a blessing, and yet Lana is in the midst of fighting for her life. But I believe God spoke something to me that impacted me greatly: 'Linsey, what if I want you to raise a Lana?' Oh God that would be the greatest honor! Lana is one of the most courageous warriors for her King that I know - believes in her God, who He is, with an all-out tenacious faith and she knows His character is unchangingly Good, Faithful, and True. Her hope is not in this world, but in Heaven where her citizenship is secure.
As you have heard us say so many times before, Brad and I want to raise a great warrior for the King, a light for the next generation and generations to come... We want to raise a Lana!
So we choose joy, we choose rejoicing, and we choose gratitude for the opportunity and responsibility our Father has placed in our lives. He has big plans... big plans!

I have also had to work through saying good-bye to an 'unsuspecting friend'. Below is a little poem I scratched down in my journal as I was talking with God. It is very unpolished and rough draft, but I'll share it nonetheless in case it could minister to anyone who has gone through long valleys of grieving:

Grief had become my friend,
though by no choice of mine.
He welcomed his way in
no matter where, no matter what time.

At first I refused him, I despised him at best;
but with each time he returned, he relented me without rest.

With successive disappointments
we became well acquainted, he and I.
He followed me like a shadow
he watched as each dream died.

But now this dark fellow must move on
the sorrow has come to an end,
Yet I find it hard to say good-bye
to my unsuspecting friend.

There is a real process of grieving one goes through with prolonged infertility. To those who are possibly following this blog, who are still in the throws of this trial, my heart goes out to you more than words can express. My heart throbs and aches as I vividly still feel and taste the heart sobs and disappointments. To you I will not say, as many would say to me after they ended up getting pregnant, "oh just wait, it will be your turn soon" or "look at me, if it happened to me, it can happen to you". I don't know if that is the Lord's plan for each of you are not. What I would say is seek the Giver of Life, more than His gifts, with everything you have; cling to His Truth, believe Truth, and speak Truth, even when the feelings are not there... and pray not that God would just end the trial and bring you a baby, but that He would be glorified in this trial and that He would show you all that He wants to show you and do all that He desires to do AMIDST this trial. He holds you in the palm of His hand, He loves you, and He will not let this go on one more second than is necessary. We must all come to the point of trusting our Sovereign God with HIS ways, His plans, and His desires... and know that He will do immeasurably more than we can ask for or imagine... whether that is with children or without. There are pages more that want to jump off of my heart and on to this blog, a book-worth actually ;) ... God gives us sufficient grace for each day - some days we have the grace to endure the day, and for some days the grace to enjoy the day... days of grace! not good days or bad days!
"Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite" Psalm 14:5

'The Truth is that contentment is not found in having everything we want, but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided'

'Lord, may the things that matter most to You, matter most to me'

'Spend each day like you want to spend the rest of your life'

"God is good, and everything He does is good." Psalm 119:68

'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain'

"From the fullness of Your grace we have all received one blessing after another." John 1:16

"My soul waits in silence for God only; from Him is my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Ps 62:1-2