Well gang, after 5 home tests and 1 blood test, all negative, we are officially not pregnant. We know many of you have been anxiously awaiting to hear the news so we wanted to send an update. This update is a little more of what Allison and I call a ‘heart note’ so bear with me ;)
The song that keeps running through my head is … ‘persecuted, not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed – we are blessed beyond the curse – and His promise will endure – His joy’s going be my strength – though the sorrow may last for a night, the joy comes in the morning … and we say ‘YES LORD! YES LORD! YES YES LORD! YES LORD! YES LORD! YES YES LORD! YES LORD! YES LORD! YES YES LORD AMEN!”
I can just picture many of you jumping in and singing with us! I love that song!
I believe it’s taken from 2 Corinthians 4:8 “we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” … and I love verses 16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Amen!
The hardest part about this news is not just ‘not being pregnant’, but my hormones seemingly ‘disappearing’ the latter half of the cycle. It is really weird, surprised the doctor, and doesn’t make sense. We watched a follicle grow and prepare to ovulate and everything looked good to go. Then day 28 comes around and nothing, then day 30, 32, 34… and nothing but false pregnancy tests. The other times I went on Clomid, I cycled back day 29 and day 31, and the first of those I was ‘borderline ovulation’. So we’re all a little puzzled and the reality that there may be more ‘pieces to this puzzle’ is sinking in.
The Lord has poured several songs out of my heart and on to paper throughout this journey. In one of the songs, I wrote “I can’t see what the future holds – but I trust in the One who knows…” The fact is that we truly don’t know just how long, or how deep this journey will go. Yesterday I journaled, “The negative blood pregnancy test was no surprise to You, Lord… it doesn’t make sense, nothing adds up… but one thing I do know is that You are faithful. We trust You God. Draw me in under Your wing, hide me in the cleft of The Rock. Take hold of my right hand. I love you. I want Your plan for my life. I want to fulfill Your purpose for me in every way. God, may we have obedient hearts – that we will listen to You and say ‘Yes, Thank You, and Amen’. Father You know how I long to be pregnant – to carry a little life inside of me and give birth – but Lord, if Your plan is for me to never carry a child … but to fulfill Your calling on my life to be a mother in another way… if that’s Your way, then may it be. Father, some would call this giving up “if only you had enough faith you would be pregnant”. But You call it complete surrender. Looking to You and not myself – wanting to bring You glory and fulfill Your purpose! Who am I to know what is best for me and Brad… and what will bring You the most glory? ‘Who has gathered up the wind in the hollow of His hands?’ (Prov 30), ‘Have I ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?’ (Job 38) Your ways are above mine. The lightning doesn’t report to me for orders, I don’t tell the sea ‘this far and no more’. You do. I love You Lord. Lead us in the path everlasting. Wherever You lead, we’ll go…”
Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement. We know He has something spectacular in store, and we don’t lose hope. We are believing Him for great things, and a little miracle could just be right around the corner. But even if it is not, we will still trust Him. It’s not just about ‘our faith’ but about our faith in the LIVING GOD!!! He is who gives life and rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
For those wanting to know what they can specifically pray for, please pray for what path to take. If it is continuing on down this path with this doctor, please pray for supernatural discernment and wisdom for him. That the Lord would show him whatever pieces are missing to this puzzle. And please pray for wisdom and discernment in our hearts, that we may be wise in how we honor the Lord with our bodies, and that each step would be solely directed by Him. We do not wish to be on synthetic hormones or fertility drugs by any means… so if this is the path He wants us to continue on, may He bring us confirmation and may He protect my body from more harm from these drugs. His grace is sufficient!
Many of you know this battle. Lea and Roger, through our light and momentary struggles, we are constantly reminded and encouraged to step in the gap for you. You are heroes of the faith!
Thank you all for your prayers, your love, and your support. We, by no means, think we are the only ones going through this, or are so naïve as to think others are not facing trials much greater than our own. I have battled my pride to not petition your prayers but I have been humbled. I recognize that there is power in prayer and we are desperate for it. It means so much and we know God has not been too busy to hear those prayers, He has not ignored them, or pushed them aside. He is right here with us, leading us, and comforting us – reassuring us that if we will just hang on… just over this mountain we are climbing may be blessings and beauty and experiences that we never before even imagined!
‘For He is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine’ (Eph 3:20)
“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in Your book.” Psalm 56:8 (Message)
“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life” Psalm 119:50
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” Prov 13:12
A Glimpse of our Life in the D.R.
7 years ago
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