Hey guys! How's it going? It feels like it has been forever since we have sent out an update/prayer request. Hope this e-mail finds you all doing well! Many of you know the latest but we wanted to bring everyone up to speed and petition, once again, your intercession. Side note: Have ya'll heard that song 'Hosanna' by Hillsong United? So awesome - I can't stop singing it!
First off, a huge praise: We did an HSG (tubal dye x-ray) in February and everything checked out great! It showed no blockages or problems.
Another praise: Monday (March 3rd) I had an ultrasound to see if the cysts had gone down (since the last round a couple of months ago we upped the medicine and it overstimulated the ovaries and we ended up with 4-5 cysts...), and they had!!! Our doctor saw no concern or reason to not move forward.
And yet another praise: Our Gracious God has been so patient with me and has brought me to a place of peace and contentment in Him that is just nothing short of incredible! He is so good and His grace is sufficient! "A heart at peace gives life to the body" Proverbs 14:30 I have been feeling so good and so refreshed the past couple months - sure there are times of frustration and my jaws and neck are still flaring up, but overall I feel so good! It springs from the heart!
I'll have to share more on that but first, here's 'the plan' (short and sweet version) for this month:
- We'll do the Clomid, once again, but on the lower dose... then we'll do 1 or more ultrasounds to hopefully see a mature follicle ready for spontaneous ovulation.... then at that time, Brad will give me an injection to trigger ovulation, and we'll do an IUI 36 hrs later. In looking at the past ultrasounds (before and after I should have ovulated), bloodwork (day 21 progesterone), etc. we never once detected ovulation and I have never gotten a positive on the LH home tests (ever). That doesn't mean it has never happened, but that's what it points to. Irregardless, we do know that I have responded to the Clomid and achieved mature follicles but then they don't release (either at all, or way way late). So this injection should tell my body to release the mature follicle when it is supposed to.
We're excited at what this month will hold, but as we always say and believe 100%: God is the Giver of Life and while we believe He may use this doctor and medicine simply as a tool, we want His will, His way - and we believe His will will be accomplished. Our trust and our hope is in Him!
We would really appreciate your prayers on this. We want so bad to honor Christ through all of this. We pray that He would put a hedge of protection around my body, that the Clomid would work as it is supposed to (to produce mature follicles), but not overstimulate and bring harm; and that He would protect my body from the headaches and yuckiness that tends to come with Clomid. We pray that the Lord would give our doctor supernatural clarity and wisdom in our situation and that he would make the right call for when to give the shot; and that we would give the shot correctly and all would go as it should (we've done this to calves a million times, right?! ha!) This procedure should be done before Easter (we're hoping several days before Easter Weekend ;) Also, please pray for continued healing in my body, specifically that my neck, shoulders and jaws would relax, heal and feel good. (several doctors, specialists, etc. have told me the same thing: 'there has been so many years of serious abuse to my jaws, neck, and shoulders, that it most likely will take a long time to really get better' (one chiropractor said that he suffered from several wrecks but didn't have near as much damage as I've had and it took him 10 years of rehab, stretching and treatments before his neck was better... - so we'll try to be patient and thank the Lord for ALL that has improved SO much!)
So that's the skinny. Thank you all SO much for your love, encouragement, and prayers. We just truly can't express how much it means and how much we appreciate it!
"In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade" (2 Cor 2:14 Msg) - There is 'Victory in Jesus', amen?!
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" Rom 8:37
"I (God) will not foget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" Isa 49:15-16
"You, O God, tested us... we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance" Psalm 66:10-12 (we can experience abundance in our hearts - I believe we can walk in the desert and in the valley, but have a heart of Canaan)
The following is a heart note I just sent to Allison- I just can't keep to myself what all the Lord is doing in my heart and share what I am learning about Him and through Him. I pray it encourages you! (just read this if you want to and have time ;) it's a little lengthy:
... It's amazing b/c to look back on this 'Journey' and see where we have come with the Lord, by His Grace - He really has used this fiery trial to challenge my faith, my trust in Him, and my passion for Him, His Word, and His people. (its' so true as it says in 'Unto the Hills' (Feb 18 devo for those that have it) : "When Jesus Christ is with a person, that person can go through the deepest suffering and somehow emerge a better and stronger Christian b/c of it". I have seen that in so many true beleivers' lives - they are refined by the fire and they walk away forever changed. I have come from feeling hurt by God, not understanding, questioning, doubting... thru much more to get to KNOWING that He is ALL GOOD, ALL THE TIME and He really does have amazing things in store for us that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind can conceive (while I see how much He loves me and all He wants to give me, I have been awakened to see His Character and how to put the focus on Him instead of me - that can be a battle, can't it?!). We know that He does work all things to the good of those who love Him, and have been called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus. Out of His Magnificent Love, He is going through great lengths to prepare us for blessings too great to even take in. Our God is SO Big and I want to live in the Bigness of His Story. That doesn't mean I'm walking around w/ my head in the clouds, whistling everywhere I go ;) (just about though!) but I feel like I am truly living out 'the joy of the Lord is my strength'.
A couple of weeks ago I was getting ready for bed, and as I crawled in bed I teared up and laid there, vulnerable before the Lord. My heart was aching b/c of this desire so deeply rooted in me, by Him. He has planted such a longing in me to be a mother, since long ago, that the deepest attempts to seize it, just scratch the surface. When I have cried, I have sobbed from my heart, the very depths of it. It reminds me of Hannah. The Bible says how she was praying from her heart - her lips were moving but no sound was heard. Eli thought she was drunk, but she explained to him that she wasn't drunk at all - but rather she was pouring out her heart in anguish and grief before the Lord. This has been an experience unlike any other when I have known that the Holy Spirit has been interceding on my behalf, going to the Father before me - communicating to Him what I cannot even put into words...
Anyways, when my heart was really aching and I swelled up with tears, it wasn't like a frustrated cry, or a 'God Why?' cry - it was more like a deeper realization of just how strong this desire is, and how greatly I believe that it comes from Him. He's also helped me to learn through experience, things about spiritual giftings, 'our faith', 'our authority', God's Sovereignty, etc. This is one of the Words I believe He gave me: Our faith cannot trump God's Almighty Sovereignty. There is a reason that Job is in the Bible, Hannah, Habbakuk, and many others (I could stop here and write a whole page about 'faith' but I'll pull back the reins ;) "Chance has not brought this ill to me, it's God's own hand so let it be. For He sees what we cannot see. There is purpose for each pain, and He one day will make it plain, that earthly loss is Heavenly gain" (Streams in the Desert). He has also shown me intersting ways He tests our obedience, or strengthens obedient hearts in us. There are so many crazy stories in the Bible on this like when God told Elijah to 'go over here and do this', 'go over there', when God could have provided for him right where he was... when Jesus healed the blind man by sticking mud packs on his eyes and then telling him to go to a pool and wash it off (paraphrased), when He could have just spoke and He would have been healed, sat there and touched him and he would have been healed ... When He told His disciples (can't rembember which one) to go catch a fish and there would be the money for taxes - when He could have handed them the exact change right then and there... Sometimes we must walk out our faith to receive the blessing He has in store. I think there are times when we sit, times when we stand, and times when we walk. Often times He wants us to partner with Him in what He is doing in our lives. He wants to see if we will be obedient to what He asks us to do, even if it seems weird at the time - with obedience, comes blessings (but maybe not always in the way we see it, or want it). Trust and Obey! Wasn't it Joshua that had to actually take a step into the Jordan before the waters parted?
It's kind of like God has shown us this mountain in the distance and He has said " you have to travel this road to get there. I'm not going to just pick you up and place you on the other side of that mountain, b/c you would miss out on all the things I'm dying to show you; and you wont' be able to fully appreciate the destination, without the journey. But don't be scared. I'm not going to leave you on this road alone. I'm right here holding your hand. When it is dark, keep holding on to My hand and follow My lead; when it is cold, let Me clothe you with My comforting love and hold you with My everlasting arms; when it is steep, let Me enable you with the hines-feet of the deer; when you think you might fall, let Me be the wings beneath you. Steadfastly we will persevere until we reach that mountain, and on the other side is a brilliance of blessings you have never before even dreamed. Hold on dear one, for I, the Father, am well pleased"
We feel a peace to move forward (with this next round of treatment), but we know it is God who is the Giver of Life, not the doctor, and we are resting in God to do a mighty work! I can't explain it, but each day it almost feels like the desire gets stronger - and I feel more ready - I have been feeling stronger spiritually, mentally, and physically. I remember when we first started trying I felt so 'strong'. Many months into the infertility trial, I found myself going, "God, I don't understand - I felt so strong when we started trying and now I feel so completely weak - physically, mentally, and even spiritually. I am broken'. But He had to tear me down to bind me up stronger. Because now my strength comes through Him. I am stronger in Christ and and in His Mighty power! I keep thinking 'Joshua' and 'Be Strong and Courageous!'. I am also feeling better physically and getting some of my old strength back. I have gained weight and actually am getting too tight for my jeans - way too tight on a couple pair ;) ha! I have finally come to a point of No Reservations. Literally up to about a month ago, if I had to be completely brutally honest, there were still some little reservations in my spirit: "but God, what if we finally get pregnant and are due in the CRAZIEST TIME EVER!? (Nov- Dec -during Brad's insane hunting season, around Thanksgiving and CHRISTmas)"; "but God, what if I am finally getting this EED thing rolling and then I get pregnant?" "but God, what if we finally get this once in a lifetime chance to go to Africa for mission work, but I am pregnant or breastfeeding"; "but God, but God, but God!" - you know what all of this was? you guessed it: not fully trusting in Him. If His way is best, and His Sovereign time is perfect, and He meets ALL of our needs according to Christ Jesus, and He has a Mighty plan for my life and purpose for this child, do I not think that He will take care of these things, whether big or small? YES, HE WILL! I am at peace with having a baby during the craziest of all crazy times and at peace with having to 'rearrange my schedule', or turning down 'business opportunities', or not getting some of the glitz and glamour (as if I'm really that hot of stuff anyways, right? ha! We, sheep, are so stinkin funny!). Seek FIRST HIS Kingdom (not our own!), and the rest will be taken care of. As hard as it has been for us to walk through this particular fire, it has been the most incredible experience of my life and I am SO thankful for it. He has graciously brought me to a place of joy and content as if I already had a child, when one is not even in sight. What a mighty God we serve!
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way!
First off, a huge praise: We did an HSG (tubal dye x-ray) in February and everything checked out great! It showed no blockages or problems.
Another praise: Monday (March 3rd) I had an ultrasound to see if the cysts had gone down (since the last round a couple of months ago we upped the medicine and it overstimulated the ovaries and we ended up with 4-5 cysts...), and they had!!! Our doctor saw no concern or reason to not move forward.
And yet another praise: Our Gracious God has been so patient with me and has brought me to a place of peace and contentment in Him that is just nothing short of incredible! He is so good and His grace is sufficient! "A heart at peace gives life to the body" Proverbs 14:30 I have been feeling so good and so refreshed the past couple months - sure there are times of frustration and my jaws and neck are still flaring up, but overall I feel so good! It springs from the heart!
I'll have to share more on that but first, here's 'the plan' (short and sweet version) for this month:
- We'll do the Clomid, once again, but on the lower dose... then we'll do 1 or more ultrasounds to hopefully see a mature follicle ready for spontaneous ovulation.... then at that time, Brad will give me an injection to trigger ovulation, and we'll do an IUI 36 hrs later. In looking at the past ultrasounds (before and after I should have ovulated), bloodwork (day 21 progesterone), etc. we never once detected ovulation and I have never gotten a positive on the LH home tests (ever). That doesn't mean it has never happened, but that's what it points to. Irregardless, we do know that I have responded to the Clomid and achieved mature follicles but then they don't release (either at all, or way way late). So this injection should tell my body to release the mature follicle when it is supposed to.
We're excited at what this month will hold, but as we always say and believe 100%: God is the Giver of Life and while we believe He may use this doctor and medicine simply as a tool, we want His will, His way - and we believe His will will be accomplished. Our trust and our hope is in Him!
We would really appreciate your prayers on this. We want so bad to honor Christ through all of this. We pray that He would put a hedge of protection around my body, that the Clomid would work as it is supposed to (to produce mature follicles), but not overstimulate and bring harm; and that He would protect my body from the headaches and yuckiness that tends to come with Clomid. We pray that the Lord would give our doctor supernatural clarity and wisdom in our situation and that he would make the right call for when to give the shot; and that we would give the shot correctly and all would go as it should (we've done this to calves a million times, right?! ha!) This procedure should be done before Easter (we're hoping several days before Easter Weekend ;) Also, please pray for continued healing in my body, specifically that my neck, shoulders and jaws would relax, heal and feel good. (several doctors, specialists, etc. have told me the same thing: 'there has been so many years of serious abuse to my jaws, neck, and shoulders, that it most likely will take a long time to really get better' (one chiropractor said that he suffered from several wrecks but didn't have near as much damage as I've had and it took him 10 years of rehab, stretching and treatments before his neck was better... - so we'll try to be patient and thank the Lord for ALL that has improved SO much!)
So that's the skinny. Thank you all SO much for your love, encouragement, and prayers. We just truly can't express how much it means and how much we appreciate it!
"In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade" (2 Cor 2:14 Msg) - There is 'Victory in Jesus', amen?!
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" Rom 8:37
"I (God) will not foget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" Isa 49:15-16
"You, O God, tested us... we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance" Psalm 66:10-12 (we can experience abundance in our hearts - I believe we can walk in the desert and in the valley, but have a heart of Canaan)
The following is a heart note I just sent to Allison- I just can't keep to myself what all the Lord is doing in my heart and share what I am learning about Him and through Him. I pray it encourages you! (just read this if you want to and have time ;) it's a little lengthy:
... It's amazing b/c to look back on this 'Journey' and see where we have come with the Lord, by His Grace - He really has used this fiery trial to challenge my faith, my trust in Him, and my passion for Him, His Word, and His people. (its' so true as it says in 'Unto the Hills' (Feb 18 devo for those that have it) : "When Jesus Christ is with a person, that person can go through the deepest suffering and somehow emerge a better and stronger Christian b/c of it". I have seen that in so many true beleivers' lives - they are refined by the fire and they walk away forever changed. I have come from feeling hurt by God, not understanding, questioning, doubting... thru much more to get to KNOWING that He is ALL GOOD, ALL THE TIME and He really does have amazing things in store for us that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind can conceive (while I see how much He loves me and all He wants to give me, I have been awakened to see His Character and how to put the focus on Him instead of me - that can be a battle, can't it?!). We know that He does work all things to the good of those who love Him, and have been called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus. Out of His Magnificent Love, He is going through great lengths to prepare us for blessings too great to even take in. Our God is SO Big and I want to live in the Bigness of His Story. That doesn't mean I'm walking around w/ my head in the clouds, whistling everywhere I go ;) (just about though!) but I feel like I am truly living out 'the joy of the Lord is my strength'.
A couple of weeks ago I was getting ready for bed, and as I crawled in bed I teared up and laid there, vulnerable before the Lord. My heart was aching b/c of this desire so deeply rooted in me, by Him. He has planted such a longing in me to be a mother, since long ago, that the deepest attempts to seize it, just scratch the surface. When I have cried, I have sobbed from my heart, the very depths of it. It reminds me of Hannah. The Bible says how she was praying from her heart - her lips were moving but no sound was heard. Eli thought she was drunk, but she explained to him that she wasn't drunk at all - but rather she was pouring out her heart in anguish and grief before the Lord. This has been an experience unlike any other when I have known that the Holy Spirit has been interceding on my behalf, going to the Father before me - communicating to Him what I cannot even put into words...
Anyways, when my heart was really aching and I swelled up with tears, it wasn't like a frustrated cry, or a 'God Why?' cry - it was more like a deeper realization of just how strong this desire is, and how greatly I believe that it comes from Him. He's also helped me to learn through experience, things about spiritual giftings, 'our faith', 'our authority', God's Sovereignty, etc. This is one of the Words I believe He gave me: Our faith cannot trump God's Almighty Sovereignty. There is a reason that Job is in the Bible, Hannah, Habbakuk, and many others (I could stop here and write a whole page about 'faith' but I'll pull back the reins ;) "Chance has not brought this ill to me, it's God's own hand so let it be. For He sees what we cannot see. There is purpose for each pain, and He one day will make it plain, that earthly loss is Heavenly gain" (Streams in the Desert). He has also shown me intersting ways He tests our obedience, or strengthens obedient hearts in us. There are so many crazy stories in the Bible on this like when God told Elijah to 'go over here and do this', 'go over there', when God could have provided for him right where he was... when Jesus healed the blind man by sticking mud packs on his eyes and then telling him to go to a pool and wash it off (paraphrased), when He could have just spoke and He would have been healed, sat there and touched him and he would have been healed ... When He told His disciples (can't rembember which one) to go catch a fish and there would be the money for taxes - when He could have handed them the exact change right then and there... Sometimes we must walk out our faith to receive the blessing He has in store. I think there are times when we sit, times when we stand, and times when we walk. Often times He wants us to partner with Him in what He is doing in our lives. He wants to see if we will be obedient to what He asks us to do, even if it seems weird at the time - with obedience, comes blessings (but maybe not always in the way we see it, or want it). Trust and Obey! Wasn't it Joshua that had to actually take a step into the Jordan before the waters parted?
It's kind of like God has shown us this mountain in the distance and He has said " you have to travel this road to get there. I'm not going to just pick you up and place you on the other side of that mountain, b/c you would miss out on all the things I'm dying to show you; and you wont' be able to fully appreciate the destination, without the journey. But don't be scared. I'm not going to leave you on this road alone. I'm right here holding your hand. When it is dark, keep holding on to My hand and follow My lead; when it is cold, let Me clothe you with My comforting love and hold you with My everlasting arms; when it is steep, let Me enable you with the hines-feet of the deer; when you think you might fall, let Me be the wings beneath you. Steadfastly we will persevere until we reach that mountain, and on the other side is a brilliance of blessings you have never before even dreamed. Hold on dear one, for I, the Father, am well pleased"
We feel a peace to move forward (with this next round of treatment), but we know it is God who is the Giver of Life, not the doctor, and we are resting in God to do a mighty work! I can't explain it, but each day it almost feels like the desire gets stronger - and I feel more ready - I have been feeling stronger spiritually, mentally, and physically. I remember when we first started trying I felt so 'strong'. Many months into the infertility trial, I found myself going, "God, I don't understand - I felt so strong when we started trying and now I feel so completely weak - physically, mentally, and even spiritually. I am broken'. But He had to tear me down to bind me up stronger. Because now my strength comes through Him. I am stronger in Christ and and in His Mighty power! I keep thinking 'Joshua' and 'Be Strong and Courageous!'. I am also feeling better physically and getting some of my old strength back. I have gained weight and actually am getting too tight for my jeans - way too tight on a couple pair ;) ha! I have finally come to a point of No Reservations. Literally up to about a month ago, if I had to be completely brutally honest, there were still some little reservations in my spirit: "but God, what if we finally get pregnant and are due in the CRAZIEST TIME EVER!? (Nov- Dec -during Brad's insane hunting season, around Thanksgiving and CHRISTmas)"; "but God, what if I am finally getting this EED thing rolling and then I get pregnant?" "but God, what if we finally get this once in a lifetime chance to go to Africa for mission work, but I am pregnant or breastfeeding"; "but God, but God, but God!" - you know what all of this was? you guessed it: not fully trusting in Him. If His way is best, and His Sovereign time is perfect, and He meets ALL of our needs according to Christ Jesus, and He has a Mighty plan for my life and purpose for this child, do I not think that He will take care of these things, whether big or small? YES, HE WILL! I am at peace with having a baby during the craziest of all crazy times and at peace with having to 'rearrange my schedule', or turning down 'business opportunities', or not getting some of the glitz and glamour (as if I'm really that hot of stuff anyways, right? ha! We, sheep, are so stinkin funny!). Seek FIRST HIS Kingdom (not our own!), and the rest will be taken care of. As hard as it has been for us to walk through this particular fire, it has been the most incredible experience of my life and I am SO thankful for it. He has graciously brought me to a place of joy and content as if I already had a child, when one is not even in sight. What a mighty God we serve!
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way!
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