Update on 7th & Final IUI 1-21-09

So here we are, on our knees, thanking the Lord for these days of grace. Some days we have the grace to endure the day, and some days we have the grace to enjoy the day… We are trying to see these days as no longer ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but as days of GRACE! And His grace IS sufficient!!
I have started to get on here and send an update many many times in the last few weeks, but it has just been a little crazy. As most of you know by now, our 7th and final IUI was unsuccessful. We found out 3 days before Christmas, and I got hit with a nasty cold/sinus infection, and then started having some unexpected and irregular bleeding… we did more bloodwork (definitely not pregnant! Ha!) and nothing really showed … This ‘break’ has not been much of a break. We weren’t quite sure what was going on or what was next, so I didn’t know exactly what to report in our update. I was going to go in for an ultrasound (in Austin) today but cancelled it. If I went in and everything looked okay, we would start on birth control pills today and proceed basically with in-vitro. After much visiting and prayer, Brad and I felt it best to give my body one more month to re-coup and settle down before hitting meds again. As stated in our last update, the next and basically final step (other than adoption) is in-vitro. We’re about 95% ready to go. We’ve walked and talked through the associated costs, stress, travel time (and away from home and work time), the ethical minefield, and health concerns. We are meeting with our doctor next Thursday for our consultation. We have read, prayed, and studied and feel a great peace with how to navigate through this while honoring the Lord 100%. We still have some concern on the ‘health’ end, given my ‘oh-so-not-textbook body’ but it’s not enough to not do it. I’ll admit I keep asking God “so You’re SURE You want us to do this?!” We just really did not think that we would get to this point. This journey is quite unscripted, eh? J
You know, through these past 3 ½ years, we have sensed red lights, and stopped – yellow lights, and waited – green lights, and moved forward. We have desperately sought His will above all things and we do believe that we have been walking in His faithful providential will. Sometimes it is tough to ‘see’ where He wants you to go, but we walk by faith and not by sight… and we have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, the mighty Counselor, to intercede on our behalf, to help us discern and decide. If we saw the yellow brick road ahead of us all the time, then why would we need faith? So what is faith? We know that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God and that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see… and that without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. On my level, I am learning that faith is believing He is ABLE. It is wanting the Giver more than the Gift, the Healer more than the Healing. It is knowing and believing He is able – able to give, able to heal, able to do immeasurably more… but it is up to Him in how He chooses to do it, and when. So it is not just believing in WHAT He is going to do, but that He IS ABLE do it. My mind constantly keeps going back to three incredibly courageous men who had this kind of faith.
“Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve IS ABLE to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, o king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, o king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:16-18

For some time I kept coming back to the part “but even if He does not”. I would think “interesting you say that because you just said He ‘WILL’ rescue you, not ‘maybe’ He will rescue you”. Were they wavering in their faith? No! On the contrary, major contrary, they knew the character, the nature, of their God. They knew for certain that He was able to save them, and they believed He would… but they weren’t basing their trust in just what He would do, but in Him…
What a profound Truth that breathes so much freedom if we truly take hold of it! For me, in this season, it comes back to the infertility. We do believe He works all things to the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose. We know that THE GOD WE SERVE IS ABLE to bring us a child, in His way, in His time… but even if He does not, we will still love Him, serve Him, adore Him, and trust Him.


♪He is able, more than able
to accomplish what concerns me today.
He is able, more than able
to handle anything that comes my way.
He is able, more than able
to do much more than I could ever dream,
He is able, more than able,
to make me what He wants me to be.




Thank you for your continued prayers, love, and support. I truly cannot tell you how much we appreciate it. From here, while the green light is on and the door is open, we will proceed, but be attentive to any signal change He may give. And as we wait for Him, we’ll be made more faithful.



♪
Faithful (by Brooke Fraser)

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leaveI wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my mightI cannot sense you close, though I know you're always hereBut the comfort of you near is what I long for[CHORUS]When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the sameWhen I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I prayAnd I want you more than I want to live another dayAnd as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithfulAll the folly of the past, though I know it is undoneI still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it rightSo I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,knowing you're the only one who knows meYou know me[CHORUS][BRIDGE]Show me how I should live thisShow me where I should walkI count this world as loss to meYou are all I wantYou are all I want




“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” – Job (Job 42:2)
“It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by His own authority” – Jesus (Acts 1:7)
“My times are in Your hands.” Psalm 31:15
“Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed” Proverbs 16:3 (Amplified)