Hey gang! Well, you can probably guess from the above that we are not pregnant. But… “FOR WE WILL YET PRAISE HIM!” (Psalm 43:5).
Everything went SO well and we sure thought this time could finally be it, but it simply was not. Brad and I prayed and visited last night in great length as to what we should do next and came to a decision… then before I told our nurse on the phone today, she gave me our doctor’s recommendation, and it was exactly what we were looking at – thank You Lord! So… the short and skinny is that we are going to do one more IUI, with Clomid and possibly Ovidrel injection… but this will be THE LAST ONE!!! This will be the tenth round of Clomid (are you serious!?!), the 7th IUI, and the last IUI. If this one is unsuccessful, we will move on to in-vitro (assuming that the Lord continues to lead us in that direction). Our doctor said we responded so well to everything last time, that she really thinks we should give it one more shot, but if that one doesn’t work, no more – she said my endometriosis was ‘stage 3’ (out of 4) and that it could come back fairly quickly or possibly not real quickly (hard to tell), but that it is best to take advantage of this window right after you treat the endo., and that she would definitely recommend in-vitro if this one doesn’t work.
If you don’t mind, I’ll share just a little bit of my heart with you (but forgive me if I digress… I literally stood in front of a bottle of lotion yesterday for 5 minutes at the grocery store – I guess I was wondering if I wanted to buy it, who knows?! And I opened my gas cap yesterday, air hose in hand, when I was going to air up my spare (I had to change my flat tire in Austin)… the list goes on and on from yesterday to today!). And I bought a warm tea from a coffee shop earlier and I think they somehow messed up my order and put a shot of espresso or something in there. I NEVER, literally never, have caffeine or coffee anymore and I’m shaking and about to bounce off the walls J And I am battling with sweet little Rye, our kitty. He is voracious about his love for us and I’ve had to put him back in his spot 7 times while I have tried to write this. I won’t give in Rye-bo!
A.W. Tozer said that there are 3 marks of one who is crucified:
1) he is facing in only one direction
2) he can never turn back
3) he no longer has any plans of his own
I would have to say that this trial of infertility has served as an intrinsic progression to the slow death of my crucifixion. How beautifully painful is the slow death of thy self. The letting go and lying down of my plans… and allowing His to take their stead. The scope of this trial is way beyond ‘getting pregnant’ –it is about the emptying of me, to allow Christ to explicitly dwell, and much more. It often takes deep personal pain to enlighten us to the pain of this world… our world is broken, depraved… I’m not just hurting, this world is hurting… throbbing in birth pains till the consummation of Christ.
I am facing in only one direction, and through this journey through the valley, I have determined to never turn back… and day by day, I am letting go of my plans (sometimes I feel as if they are more like ripped from my heart), and face planting at the altar. My God has ‘loved me with an everlasting love; He has drawn me with loving-kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3).
Thank you so much to you who have lifted us up in prayer. I am indescribably overwhelmed and grateful to my dear friends and family that have shown such love to us during this time. Allison was literally up in the night speaking God’s Truth over me, and sent me uplifting texts; Lindsey Kane and Jenny welcomed me into their home with heart-felt hugs, a warm plate of amazing (and healthy! J) food, and a fun movie and fellowship. My mom left the sweetest messages on my phone, and my dad brought me to tears with his note of condolence and encouragement… and then there was my husband. If any of you don’t know how amazing this man is that I have the utmost privilege to call ‘my man’, you need to. I have been in endless adoration of the Lord’s grace, goodness, and sovereignty in blessing me with him. He has stood firm in his faith of our Living God. He has been the anchor when these storms have waged war on our little boat. He has stayed positive, optimistic, encouraging, wise, and steadfast. I have sat back in admiration and wonder as I have watched the Lord grow, refine, and fashion this man of integrity and humility who finds his strength not in his own flesh, but in that of Christ.
Sorry for the tangent… I try to resist each time I write one of these b/c Brad wouldn’t stand for attention and people’s praise, but I just have to tell you how grateful I am for him, for my family, and for you.
Thank you so much for everything!
“He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:17)
Second e-mail:
I meant to mention in the attachment: thank you SOOO much for your prayers for our friend, Amy. Her second brain surgery went very well, they did not have to put in a shunt, and she is recovering well. We are praising the Lord!
If the Lord lays it on your heart, please continue to pray for our other dear friend, Lana (with stage IV cancer) - she is hanging in there!
Thank you!
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